I have 6 children. I would have had 7 but I had an abortion in 1972. Let me go back a few years just to give you some history. In 1970 I had a son, he was a planned pregnancy, the only one that was. In 1971, 14 short months after this child was born I discovered I was pregnant once again, this would be number 5. My husband and I decided it would be to our advantage for him to have a Vasectomy after the birth of our 5th child, which he did.
We waited the required 6 weeks before having relations and to our surprise we were once again pregnant. I have no idea why we decided on an abortion, it was so long ago that ideology escapes my memory, but we did. We had to go through an evaluation and some counseling but I don’t remember anyone giving me any other options like adoption.
We already had 5 kids and adding another one so soon after the 5th one was born was very much a burden to us, at least that is how I felt at that time. One more thing, during my 4th pregnancy the doctors found a tumor on my lung and recommended me having surgery immediately after giving birth. So, 10 days after having my 4th child I was in the hospital for major surgery. My husband’s niece took care of our son as I couldn’t pick him up and tend to him. My aunt was there for the other children and household duties were her domain for the next 2 months.
I’m sure by now you are asking why I chose abortion; a lot of people have large families. I know this as my mother had 7children. At this point in time I can’t tell you why. I do remember having been overwhelmed to even think of having another child. That is quite frankly, no excuse I know but its how I felt.
I don’t remember any discussion with my husband about what we or I was doing. I can’t remember him saying anything pro or con about it. He just disassociated himself from the problem, it was my decision, at least that is how I felt about it.
Going in to the hospital, it felt cold and uncaring. Looking back I’m sure the nurses were looking upon me with distaste and disdain. The procedure was done and I was once again back to “normal”.
I thought about this little life I so easily snuffed out from time to time, but put it out of my mind as something that had to be done. That worked until I gave my life to Christ and several years after this I was at a woman’s conference and the speaker started to speak about abortion. She said there was forgiveness from God and also from the child and once we are in heaven we will get to see this child. She asked if there were women in the audience that needed this forgiveness and asked them to come to the altar to receive this gift from God I was one who raised my hand and went to the altar. She talked to me personally and asked me if I had named my baby and I said no. She then said pray and ask God what the sex of this baby was and a name for it.
After the conference I felt free and I felt God had forgiven me for this heinous crime I had committed. I was forgiven because I confessed and repented, I was truly sorry for what I had done. I learned so much more about abortion, that I wished I had known back in 1972, if I had known perhaps I would not have made that decision.
After praying for several days maybe even weeks God revealed to me that my baby was another boy and we named him Jonathan Michael. One day I will see him in heaven and he will also have forgiven me.
Today I feel God has given me a second breath to get the word spread about abortion and it’s after effects. It has been 40 years and the memory has not ever left me, I may have forgotten some details but the obvious has not been forgotten. I no longer have the guilt but I do have the memories. I no longer feel condemned but I still have the memories.
So, when young women have abortions and say they have no guilt, they are only fooling themselves, because eventually the guilt comes, along with the condemnation and the tears and the regret, I for one know all about that.
I knew my story needed to be told eventually; coming to your website helped me with that decision. Along with the desire to help in any way I can.