My husband and I came to the abortion center scared and confused. We had both just gotten jobs after a long period of being jobless. We already had two children, and just when we thought things were finally going to be all right and the financial stress lifted off of us, I discovered I was 7 weeks pregnant. My husband was supportive of whatever decision I would make. Though it was a hard decision, it was also an easy one. I know that sounds strange, but when you feel that you really have no choice and there is no way financially to support another child, the decision was easy from a practical standpoint.
When we arrived at the clinic, we were surprised to see so many people outside with messages letting us know that there was hope for us and for our baby. We had not been to an abortion clinic before so we did not know what to expect. I tried to avoid looking at the people, but what I could not avoid looking at was this big blue van. I noticed how pretty it was, but what gripped my heart were the shadows of what looked like storks carrying babies at a sunrise or sunset. Flocks of them.
I started to cry, but I was still determined to do this. I ignored the offers of help of the people on the sidewalk. I kept the appointment with the clinic but as I sat there completing the forms, I could not stop crying. I told my husband I could not do this right now. “Perhaps we can wait?” As we left the clinic, I saw that van again. I asked my husband if we could just talk to the people near the van. A very nice woman saw that I was crying and just the tone in her voice when she said “Honey, can I help you?” comforted me and I asked if I could have an ultrasound. She said yes and led us to the van.
It was so pretty inside just like it was outside. It was air-conditioned and very calm. It made me cry even more. She offered me some water and Kleenex and waited until I calmed down. She told me to take my time, and that she was not going anywhere. She asked me questions to complete paperwork and did the pregnancy test and ultrasound right in the van.
We did the ultrasound and though my baby was so small, we were able to see its small body on the screen. It was a clear picture. We were given the pictures to keep. We then sat down again and talked about why my husband and I were so afraid.
She was very kind and understanding, and told me that this would be one of the most important decisions we would make and that it should be an informed one based on facts and not fear. She told me about the pregnancy centers and what they do, and how they would help us and refer us to other community resources that would help us also. We began to realize that perhaps we could do this. My husband said he did not want to abort our baby. It would be okay. We did not have strong religious beliefs, but she shared that God loved us and our baby and that He would help us if we trusted Him. He would take care of us. I was still afraid when we left – but just a little. I do not know what the future will be like, but I do know that I can live with the decision to have my baby and be at peace with that decision. It was the decision to kill my own child that was breaking my heart and making me cry so hard.
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