I did not have an appointment at the abortion clinic, but that morning I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive, just as I suspected. I immediately panicked. I am a single mom and have a young daughter. I was raised in the church and even though I knew abortion was wrong, it was the first thing that entered my mind when I read the pregnancy test.
I knew there was an abortion doctor close by so without even thinking, I dressed and hurried over. I parked the car, but could not get out. I sat there and just cried for about 10 minutes, thinking over and over what am I doing here? How did I even get here? Panic overtook me again, so I got out of the car and began walking. As I turned the corner, a woman and man offered me information. They said it was free and it would help me. I took the information, and kept on walking. The pamphlet on top said if I was scared and alone, there was help for me. I began to cry again and I realized that I had walked to the other end of the parking lot and where the heck was this clinic? As I tried to figure out where I was, a woman called out asking if I was lost. She said she knew what it was like to be lost and if she could help me. I started to cry again, and she called me over to her. She told me that there was help for me and asked if I had just a few minutes to talk and I said yes.
There was a large blue van parked that had birds on it. It said You Have Options. She walked me over to the van and introduced me to another lady who invited me on to sit down. I could not stop crying and she offered me Kleenex and water. After I calmed down, she asked why I was here and I began to tell her my situation. She asked what my fears were in having the baby and we talked about those. Some of those fears I realized were not really things I needed to be afraid of, but others were very real. Most of those had to do with money. She told me about the community organizations and the pregnancy centers that could help me.
She then asked me what I thought was a very strange question. During our discussion, she asked me if I had any spiritual beliefs that would comfort me during this time of stress and I told her about my upbringing and that I attend church regularly with my daughter. We discussed what Jesus would say about this situation and of course I knew what He would say and I began to cry again.
What changed my mind about the abortion was the calm way she walked through all the options available to me. She encouraged me to go to my church family and my pastor, all of whom I trusted, and let them know I needed help. When I thought about it, I actually had a lot of help. She asked me to list all the people I knew who would support me and help me to parent and when I was finished with my list, there were 30 people on it!
I was in a panic, my mind was frozen, and I had not been able to think clearly. One and a half hours later, with referrals in hand, I left the van. Everyone was gone and it was so quiet. I had not realized I had been here so long. I felt good. I had a job, I had a home, I had lots of support and I felt I would be okay. The thought I had as I drove out of the parking lot was that my daughter is going to have a little brother… or sister. She will be so excited.
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