My husband and I were going through a divorce when I found out I was pregnant. My friend told me about an abortion doctor who was local and who was cheap. I don’t believe that abortion is right, but I really needed to have a clean break with my ex-husband, and a child would link us together forever – at least that is what was going through my mind. Abortion was the only way to break from him. When I arrived at the clinic closest to where I live (this doctor has two clinics), I drove up to see people holding signs. I was very unnerved; I wasn’t expecting to see protestors, but I ignored them and went in anyway. The clinic was awful. It was dirty and seedy looking. I could not stay there and thought to myself that I would find another doctor and walked out.
I contacted my friend and told her I could see why the doctor was cheap – the place was awful! She told me about another clinic, but it would be a drive. I told her I did not care and was willing to drive the distance. Well, I arrived and saw even more people there. Many were praying and holding signs that said, “pray to end abortion,” that there was help for me and my baby, and other signs like that. At the end of the driveway was a blue van. I was tempted to just drive right out of there because I had already started having doubts about the abortion.
I walked up to the door of the clinic, which was locked. A woman watching me asked if she could help me. I said yes and she called me over. I told her I was looking for a clinic, but I must be at the wrong place. She told me that I was at the wrong place with a hint of a smile. I felt comfortable talking with her. She asked why I was looking for the clinic. I asked her about the van. She explained that they were offering free ultrasounds and pregnancy tests and I told her I already had all that done with my OBG.
She told me that the clinic I was looking for did abortions – “Is that why you are looking for it?” I said yes. I said I was really late for my appointment and she told me that she was here all the time and not to worry, they are really good about rescheduling so I should not worry about that. She asked if I was really sure about having the abortion and I told her honestly, that I thought I was, but after making the drive and talking with her, I was not so sure. She said that this was a very important decision and one that you can’t take back, so there was nothing wrong with taking the time to think things clearly through.
We sat in the van and talked about the reasons I had, about my ex-husband, etc. She asked me if I someday wanted children and I told her yes, I did want children. I was financially able to support myself and a child even now. She asked me if I was an honest person and I said yes. She then asked if I had told my ex-husband about the pregnancy and I immediately felt very guilty. He did have a right to know. I had not even thought of him in that way. I would want to know if it was the other way around. Wow.
She also told me that there was no guarantee that I would be able to have another child when I wanted one. Suppose this was the only child I could ever have? There are no guarantees. She said all these things from a different angle that I had not even thought about. What changed my mind completely were the little models of the babies that were displayed. I had seen my ultrasound, but not being that far along, it was not as easy to see as those little models. In that moment, I decided to have my baby – and tell my ex-husband. Just like that. I knew I was not comfortable with the decision to begin with, but I had convinced myself that there was no other way. I know this is the right decision for me and one that I can live with.
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