I Chose A Boy Over My Baby and I Regret it Every Day

This true story was submitted to us by Stephanie C. via social media. 

My name is Stephanie. I grew up in a large and loving family. I was close to my parents, and I had a very normal childhood. We never went without. It wasn’t like my parents would reject me for getting pregnant. On the contrary, and as my mother said later, they would have helped in any way they could.

I was naturally very shy and awkward, and my self-esteem wasn’t the healthiest. It was an inner struggle. Not something that was inflicted on me. I just felt very inadequate. My family was very handsome and outgoing. I felt homely.

It was at the age of nineteen that Steve entered my life. He told me upfront that he didn’t want to get serious, but I fell head-over-heels for him. He was handsome and popular, and very generous. He was a nice guy, but he liked the girls, and I knew I wasn’t the only one.

After a while, I broke up with him, because I didn’t want to be one of several. He surprised me and asked me to marry him.

I was on birth control, but in the midst of a long engagement, I got pregnant. I was ecstatic. He was not.

He was scared and embarrassed. He gave me an ultimatum. Either have an abortion, or he would move to Canada. He told me that we could have more children later. After much inner torment, I chose this boy over my baby.

At the abortion clinic, I told the counselor that I didn’t want an abortion. She told me all the reasons why I should. She must have talked with Steve beforehand, or maybe that was the spiel they give everyone.

I had the abortion. I hated myself. I hated Steve. I wanted to die. I ran away from him and from our relationship to start a new life.

I have been married almost forty years and I have two living sons. I love my family very dearly, but they all know that I am incomplete. I long for the day when I can reunite with my baby.

I pray all the time that God will let us be together someday. Until then, I celebrate his/her birthday and memorialize her/his death with a prayer, a candle, and the song, “You Are My Sunshine.”