This story was submitted to us by Valerie via social media.
Waking up to another bad dream makes it so hard to go back to sleep. The same dream over and over. I was mid-way through my pregnancy and the nightmares of having you taken from me as soon as I gave birth left me breathless.
No chance to hold you, no chance to kiss your face, no chance to see you. I laid there crying out, “My baby, my baby.”
These nightmares would come off and on and I would rise up in the bed in the stillness of the dark night with tears streaming down my face. My shaking hand would rub my growing belly.
Scared and alone are not even close to describing the heartache of the thought of not holding you. The words of “just get rid of it, we can get it done and over with” repeated in my mind. The hurt of those words spoken over me.
I cried out to the Lord, but I felt as if my voice was snuffed out by the darkness in my room.
The excuses would cycle in my mind. Maybe I was being punished for this unplanned pregnancy, maybe it was because of the running away from everything I knew growing up, or the partying.
The isolation of all this fear kept me chained. I felt as if I could not get away from all the thoughts. Walking into church as a pregnant 18-year-old left me full of doubt and fear. The whispers and the stares. Then the night would repeat itself.
Night after night, the enemy was winning as I was struggling with the same nightmare of my precious baby being ripped away from me. The enemy wanted to keep me chained by my past, thoughts, and fear, but the Lord came to give me a new life and have it more abundantly.
After church one night everyone was getting ready to leave and I went into the empty sanctuary. Walking up to the altar seemed to take forever and I just fell. I was about eight or nine months pregnant. I laid across the altar and poured out my heart. I couldn’t hold back the tears.
All those nightmares, the nights of waking up in the dark, tears on my face, the painful words of “Just get rid of it.”
I was startled by a warm touch on my shoulder as I lay crying across that alter. I turned and it was just me in that empty sanctuary, but I wasn’t alone. As I laid at the altar in total surrender to the Lord, I was saved that night. There is freedom in surrender. I left all those chains by the altar that night and finally broke free.
If you are being held captive by the chains of your past, reach out or talk to someone in your church or someone you trust. Freedom is waiting for you too. If you have a story about life, abortion, adoption, or motherhood, we want to hear it!
