My name is Christie. When I was a sophomore in high school, I was overcome with what I’d now call infatuation. Although, at 15-years-old, I thought it was love. He was a few years older than me and all I could see were his positive traits: talented, smart, good looking, and creative with art and music. Not to mention his charm.
Perhaps it was the fact that I grew up without my dad (he passed away when I was 7-years-old), or that this guy, who I was sure was “the one,” actually paid attention to me and made me feel special and fun. Whatever the reason, we ended up in a type of on-again, off-again relationship.
We acted without thinking about the consequences of our actions and did not follow God’s rules (which are there to protect us in the first place). As I entered my junior year in high school, I learned that I was expecting my first baby.
In God’s perfect design, this news is meant to bring great joy, great love, and solidify a marital relationship. It brought me to my knees. Not only had my actions affected the rest of my life, but my child’s life, and his dad’s too.
We were in no position to afford a family–emotionally, financially, or spiritually. I tried to make the numbers work on paper, but it just wouldn’t compute. I couldn’t raise a child.
I grew up watching my mom raise five kids on her own and knew how difficult it had been for her. There was no way I could handle it. I couldn’t even drive yet. I was desperate.
During the beginning of my pregnancy I had a few friends suggest getting an abortion. I knew a few women who had chosen abortion, but I had always had strong convictions about life and its unfathomable value, so I never considered it.
I was so scared and alone, even though the majority of my family, friends, church, and school supported me. I do not support abortion in any situation and yet, I can honestly say, I do understand how one reaches a breaking point of sheer desperation.
I say this because at some point in your life, you may come across someone who felt so desperate that this was their choice. My prayer for them is to know God and seek forgiveness with a sincere heart. It is the only way.
After crunching numbers over and over again, I always ended up in the negative. I was so beat down. All I dreamed of as a child was to grow up and be a mom. And the thought of not being able to provide stability for my child made me crazy.
So I prayed. I prayed almost every waking moment. In the shower, the car, walking to classes, and in my room. In my desperation, God calmed me. A huge wave rushed over me on the day I finally decided what I think I knew all along.
We had already been talking with Catholic Charities about adoption. We read profiles of prospective families and sifted through piles of portfolios.
None of it seemed real to me until the day God calmed me. I was bawling on my bed, and basically told Him He had to make the decision for me because I couldn’t (I was also considering raising my child). In that instant, on my bed, I not only knew my child would be okay, but that he’d have a family, a home, and opportunities I could never give him.
Most importantly, he’d have two loving parents–a solid married couple who loved God.
That couple spoke with me briefly when I was early on in my pregnancy. I knew they were eager to adopt and the way it all came together was truly a miracle. The birth dad’s mom knew our child’s future aunt. Her sister was unable to have kids and had been married to her sweetheart for over 10 years. They both had established careers and loved God. I reread their profile over and over.
Finally, we called them to let them know we’d chosen them to raise our child. I’ll never forget the moments that followed. Their reactions, the subsequent months finishing up my junior year, the moments leading up to my sons’ beautiful birth, and the bittersweet moments with him in the hospital.
But now, as I’m older, I get it. Parents do it every day when they send their children to school. They do it as they watch their youngest drive away to college. Our role as parents isn’t just to mold our children into decent people and good citizens, it’s much greater. We are supposed to protect and guide them.
My birth son is old enough now to truly understand why we chose an adoption plan for him and has even recently reconnected with both sets of birth families. Never in a million years would I have guessed he would be so open to getting to know us. My husband has known about him since before we even started dating and our children are growing up getting to know him too.
I realize not all situations out there are as open as ours has been. As a birthmother, I’ve come to learn with each situation comes a set of unique circumstances.
One final thought is: I’m just as special as you.
I often heard people say, “I couldn’t do it” or “How could you give your baby away?” God gave my birth son to me as a gift. He makes no mistakes. I didn’t “Give him away,” I gave him a family. And as far as not being able to do it–well, honestly, I didn’t know if I could either. But I did. I went through periods of sadness and pride for many years following his birth.
It truly wasn’t until I met my husband while at college that I was able to properly grieve my loss and forgive myself. All I can say is trust in the Lord. He makes our paths straight.
This story was submitted to us by Christie H.