A Letter to the Sweet Baby I Never Got to Hold — “My Heart Broke Into a Million Pieces”

Sometimes it feels like having a miscarriage is treated more like a bad case of the flu than the loss of a child. When I lost my baby, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for those who gave meals, prayers, and encouragement. What I quickly realized, however, is that those who’ve never experienced this loss often don’t have the right words to say. 

The most affirming thing I heard was from my aunt. She asked, “How are you Eryn?” To which I responded, “Oh, I’m fine.” She stopped me, looked me in the eyes, and said, “It was your baby.”

I realized then it was okay for me to truly grieve the loss of my child, regardless of whether people understood my pain or not. With that, I decided to write a letter to my boy. Here are the words of my wounded and healing heart the Lord holds in His hands.

To my sweet baby I never got to hold,

The day I found out you were growing inside me, your father and I were so thrilled! We were so excited as we started preparing for your arrival and planning how our lives would be with the new addition to our family.

The day I found out your life had ended was the worst day of my life. My heart broke into a million pieces. My body didn’t want to let you go.

But, through the whole experience, the many tears and groans of anguish of my heart, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the miraculous gift of life that God put in me, even for a short time. I am thankful for you baby Bauer. The Lord knit you together inside me, and I’m glad that in your short time on earth, you were wrapped warmly in the loving care of my womb.

Losing you was not just losing the hopes and dreams of having a child, losing you was losing my child.

You were more than a hope for something to be. You were my baby. A reality. I am honored to be your earthly mother, even for a short time. I don’t know all the plans or purposes God has in this, but already I know that your brief life has reminded me that all our lives are a miraculous gift.

Each day is a gift, and this world is not our final destination.

I love you and I will not forget you. Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away.

Your Mama

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This story was submitted to us by Eryn.