When I was pregnant a second time, I kind of assumed my labor and delivery would be similar to my first baby. It wasn’t, of course, because no two are the same. But you really only have experience as a reference point, no matter how many birth stories you hear.
My first came so quickly, I worried I wouldn’t make it to the hospital with the next one. True to his personality, he came nice and slow and was even a little lazy. If I’m ever pregnant again, I will make no assumptions… okay, I probably will.
The same is true with adoption. Because we’ve done it before, I had kind of assumed it would be the same this go. Not so much. I guess that’s an obvious conclusion to draw, but like I said, personal experience is often our strongest reference point.
I emailed our caseworker last week to get an idea of what the wait was like. With our agency, you aren’t on a list of families waiting for their number to come up. You are in a pool, waiting to be chosen by the birthmother. It’s one of the reasons we love our agency, but it also leaves a lot of unknowns.
We could get picked next week, or it could be a year. When we were adopting Eddie, the agency made 39 matches that year, and at the time of our adoption there were 9 waiting families. It took 10 weeks. This year they’ve made 27 matches and there are 29 waiting families. That’s a bit daunting.
When I got her reply, I admit I felt discouraged. Ok, so I cried a little.
I’ve had this vision of bringing our little pipsqueak home early next year, getting her room ready over the holidays, getting the call around Christmas, and on and on… But God’s timing is not our timing, and I keep saying that “we’re trusting in His timing and provision.”
All Thursday I wavered back and forth between peaceful trust and emotional disappointment. I looked at the cute little clothes I’ve started collecting and got a little tearful. But then I stepped back and looked at my family. My sweet, precious family that has been designed by God. Do I think He doesn’t have a plan for the rest of the little ones He’ll bring into our lives?
We are so blessed. At just the right time, in the perfect way, that little girl will make her way into our family. My heart is already entwined with hers, my thoughts and prayers surround her. But better than all of that, God knows her, loves her, created her.
I just have to keep giving it up. Every single day. I don’t do so well with unknowns, but day by day I just have to keep trusting…and soaking up every minute with the little rascals that already fill my heart.
This piece was shared with permission from Lovely Little Whimsy and was written by Carina Schoen.