At 17, as a senior in high school, my boyfriend—(who I had only been dating for a month—and I discovered I was pregnant. We had been best friends for six months before dating and knew each other well. We were terrified of our parents telling us we were ruining our lives.
Before we got pregnant, we decided neither of us wanted children. We had goals and plans that didn’t involve children. Parenting seemed like a burden.
I had been molested and raped three times as a child. I had suppressed the pain of those events for over a decade, and being pregnant was overwhelming. I kept wondering, “What if my child becomes a rapist or a victim? I don’t want them to suffer like I did.”
I went to therapy and slowly started composing myself and preparing my mind for pregnancy. I was able to be excited and happy about the baby.
But our parents told us we were ruining our lives.
We felt pressure from all sides. My boyfriend and I had a horrible fight when I was at the end of my first trimester. His parents doubted the child was his and tried to persuade me to get an abortion—I almost did.
Early on in my pregnancy, I downloaded an app that talked about the developments of the fetus each day and week. With each week I watched my sweet little one grow and learn. The thought of ending their life after this knowledge was heartbreaking for me.
I couldn’t go through with it. I never called the Planned Parenthood back to schedule my appointment.
My boyfriend’s family said they wanted nothing to do with the baby, they treated their son horribly, and when we graduated he left his home and moved in with me and my mom—who had come around by then.
We were both 17 and terrified, but we knew we were making the right choice.
Our sweet son was born on October 8th, 2016.
The pain and complications from delivering our son brought me back to the nightmarish trauma I endured when I was young. I felt defeated, weak, and I was in the worst pain of my life. But our son was not to blame and I have never treated him as if he were.
He’s such a gentle, kind and beautiful little boy and he makes our world so bright.
My boyfriend eventually became my husband and our son is now one. Sadly, we just lost our second child to miscarriage. The pain and grief we are going through from losing our “clump of cells” at only four weeks has been so much.
It pains me to see women not understand or want to understand their pregnancy and baby… It breaks my heart.
This story was shared with us through our My Story page and was written by Alexandra P.
