25 Years Later—I Still Cry About My Abortion

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I was 15-years-old, and so afraid for my mother to find out. I was sure she would tell me that I had to have an abortion. And I was right. When she found out, she backed me into a corner and made me feel as if I had no choice.

I begged to give the baby up for adoption. She told me how I’d never survive knowing that I had a child out there. Besides, what would people think? She told me how I’d never be able to take care of a child. How she wouldn’t help me and how I couldn’t live at home.

Being so young, why would I not believe the things she was telling me? After a lot of crying and arguing, I finally got in the car and rode with her to the clinic. I didn’t say a word.

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We got there and pushed past the protesters. Went into a small room where I sat with several other ladies. Some of them laughing and carrying on. A couple like me who could only cry and try to understand why.

After making it into the cold room, the doctor told me it was going to be okay and that everything would be over soon. Then the procedure began. I listened as the machine made vacuuming sounds. It hurt so bad and I could see what was happening to my precious baby. 

When it was over, I went into the recovery room, where I decided I didn’t deserve to be. I walked out with so much anger and pain. The doctor said it would all be over, but it had only just begun.

My life was forever changed that day. Over the next 25 years, I would cry every year on the date my baby should have been celebrating a birthday.

But I couldn’t talk about it. The words kept coming back to me. “What will people think?”

The past three years have been the most difficult. God began to work on me and I began to deal with it. I cried and prayed and begged God for forgiveness. And He is so wonderful, that He did forgive me.

During my struggles to discuss and learn to deal with this, I realized that my mother loved me.  She wouldn’t have actually kicked me out of the house. She would’ve loved that baby. And had she known the pain I’d still be dealing with 25 years later, she would have never forced me to get an abortion.

Had there been a Stork Bus sitting in front of the clinic that day, I would have stepped inside and chosen to carry my baby. I also realized that if I had decided to give the child up for adoption, I could have handled knowing I had a child out there. He would have had life.

The abortion left me very broken and hurt. Very angry and afraid.  

There are resources. There are groups and organizations. I wish I’d been able to ask for help, or that someone would have reached out to me.


On this giving Tuesday, stand up for women, like Stacy, who are being pressured into abortion. For just $30 a month you can help provide resources and support for women and their babies! Learn more today! 

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This true story was submitted to us by Stacy.