When I was fifteen, I got pregnant. I loved that baby even before my pregnancy was officially confirmed.

I started planning. I looked into jobs, changed my classes to night classes, and tried to find people to watch my baby while I worked and finished school. I was strong-willed and determined to do it the best way possible. I knew I was young, but I was willing and ready to fight for myself and my baby. 

However, my mom had different plans. When I told her I was pregnant, she demanded I get an abortion.

She blackmailed me with threats of being disowned, homeless, and utterly alone. She told me she would even disown me if I chose to place my baby up for adoption. I didn’t have a choice. She convinced me that I could never do it on my own and that there was no place for me to go.

I fought for weeks before I cracked. I still loved that baby but I couldn’t survive with no job, no place to live, and being cut off from my family.

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I don’t even remember the name of the place she took me to. They did some brief counseling where I lied and made nice, but it was there that I started hating myself.

Then came the day my world ripped open. I had a sonogram—saw my baby, the heartbeat, and they even gave me a photo. Then gave me a pill and guided me into a room. I laid there, looking up at a forest picture on the ceiling as the doctor destroyed me.

That was 24 years ago now and I still hate myself for being so weak.

I am married now with two healthy children, but at this point have lost seven pregnancies and cannot help but grieve for all of them. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what I did.

The lies we say about a woman’s right to choose. What about the unborn baby’s choice to live? I pray to God daily as I seek forgiveness and wisdom. I hope this helps a woman not to make the same mistake I made.”

Stories like Kim’s are all too common. 3 out of 5 women who have had an abortion said they felt pressured by others to abort. Oftentimes this pressure comes from family members or partners. While abortion is framed as an empowering choice for women, it actually enables parents and partners to further abuse women.

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This story was shared with us via our My Story page and was written by Kim.