Help Men #ChooseFatherhood
WE CAN NO LONGER IGNORE THESE FORGOTTEN FATHERS
After thirteen years, I picked up the phone and dialed his number.
He recognized my voice immediately. Then, something happened that will always be etched in my mind. He began to cry, then sob. I could barely understand his inaudible voice.
Finally, he calmed down and began telling me he’d waited and prayed for this call for over a decade. He said, “I’ve been wanting to tell you how sorry I am for what I made you do. Can you forgive me? Please, forgive me.”
He went on to say, “As a man, it was my job to protect you and our child. Our choice has haunted me ever since. I’ve been in therapy for years trying to deal with it. I wish we could go back and change it.”
In that moment, something changed within me.
I’d had an epiphany. Men were hurting too.
Men were experiencing pain and trauma of a past abortion, yet no one was talking about it. Any time the issue is mentioned, the focus is on the women and babies. The men are forgotten. But, we must recognize, these aborted babies had fathers.
Throughout our culture, men have been made out to be “tough, macho, insensitive, without emotion or feeling”.
If they care to be vulnerable, they’re labeled weak. But, the truth is, men are affected by abortion in some of the same ways as women. There are 55 Million+ post-abortive men in this country, men who are suffering alone from the effects and trauma of an abortion.
We can no longer silence them. They’re not talking about it because they’ve never been given permission to do so. They’re afraid of how they’ll look or maybe convinced themselves no other man feels this way. This is just another tragic ramification of abortion.
Throughout my speaking career, as I’ve traveled around the country sharing my own story, I’ve met hundreds of men at my events. They come to meet me at my book table, many confiding in me, a woman they’ve never met, because they know I’ll listen, without judgement or condemnation. Again and again, I hear the same things.
“I’m haunted by the abortion.” “I have no one to talk to about it.” “No one understands.” “We’re in pain too”. Walking away, they’ll whisper, “Please, don’t forget about us”.
Men have told me they never understood why they were so angry, had trust issues, abused drugs or alcohol, or suffered from depression. Some of these men have carried these issues for years, some decades, until they come to understand these behaviors stemmed from their past abortion experience. We must change the stigma of men when it comes to the abortion issue.
Men want to be heard. They need to be heard. They deserved to be heard.
If you’d like to take the first step in breaking the silence you can share your story with me anonymously in the form below.
For fathers, mothers and unborn babies everywhere,
Men are beginning to speak out
This just hit me harder than I would of wanted. As a father of an aborted child, I can say one thing without any hesitance: The pain and emotion will have an affect on you. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, it may not even be a year from now. But unless you are a mindless robot, eventually, you re going to look back at your life and it WILL hit you. It’s nearing 20 years for me since I lost my son because my ex-fiancee decided she didn’t want him and I can tell you that I have still not fully healed from the loss. The would ofs and could ofs still play through my mind, of how I could of saved him, but it doesn’t matter, because the fact is his chance is over. The one thing I can do is make sure I am never silent again, regardless of the adversity I face. Fathers, and men in general, please do not think you don’t have a voice, because at the end of the day, we all need to speak up for the voiceless!
I got a young woman pregnant 40 years ago and even after she told me she was going to get an abortion I didn’t try to stop her. I have lived with that guilt for all these years and will take it to my grave. God forgive me
I wanted to keep our baby so badly and told her so, but she wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t listen and I couldn’t support her decision nor could I stop her. I’ll never get over the loss of what could have been or the death of the innocent life. Even though I fought for this child I was told it wasn’t my decision to make. That doesn’t lessen the guilt I feel.
Hey…I saw the post about the 55 million men who live with the scars you mentioned. I am one of them…happened when I was in college…was scared and didn’t know what to do at the time. There is an amazing story of redemption that Jesus did in my life and the other person. I hope to share it sometime, but have not felt that release yet. Thanks for putting that out there…means a lot!!! There are still some family members I have not shared this with, so it is something I would need to do at some point. I greatly appreciate the work that you are doing….keep it up!!!
This is something that haunts me nightly. My wife and I have an abortion when we were very young. Four kids later, I feel terrible guilt over it. I felt the guilt immediately. I feel it daily. I don’t protest, I don’t put people down who have them, but I will tell them how our decision has affected my life, our life. I thank God every day for the amazing miracles we have in our life, and everyday i ask forgiveness from the life we took. I hope that the child somehow feels the love it should have had here with us. I could go on and on. For those young kids, please use protection. Please understand that if you’re not ready to create life then wait. It’s so easy to end a life, but the decision will stay with you forever. You’ll be reminded of it constantly if you ever have more children. Learn from the mistakes those older than you have made. You can politicize things however you want, but in the end, we all have to face and live with our decisions, and when you’re young and know everything those decisions seem easy. But as you get older, have children, and have a family; your outlook on life can change, and those decision can truly haunt you the rest of your life. Just my two cents.