By Charlotte Pence Bond
A woman becomes a mother overnight, but we grow into motherhood as we transition to having children. Some of the most vital components of my journey into motherhood have been the relationships I’ve formed with women who have helped me along the way. Having my first child was certainly an experience where I needed the help of other women who had gone before me, and the transition from one to two kids was especially challenging for me as my husband deployed when our baby was two weeks old. Thankfully, I have incredible people in my life, and my mother was able to help me, as well as my mother-in-law. I also have incredible friends in my life who did anything they could, including bringing meals and watching my eldest while I went to the doctor.
Navigating Postpartum
To describe the postpartum stage of motherhood as merely “difficult” seems like an egregious understatement. It isn’t that one’s life turns upside down, but it is completely new. One day, you do not have a child; the next day, you do, and your life is never the same. At the same time, a woman’s body is going through something completely foreign, and the aspects of her brain change. “Mom brain” is not just a term to describe women lacking sleep – it’s a scientific fact that our brains change when we have young children. You haven’t changed forever, but it may feel like you have. This is why having close relationships and friendships with other moms is so important. They help us remember that our conflicted feelings about ourselves during this time are normal and that we will all get through it.
Balancing Two Under Two
My siblings and I are each only about a year apart, meaning my mom had three kids under three. I have always wanted to have children close together because I love how close I am to my siblings, and I love that we go through the same life stages at the same time. However, I was extremely humbled when I had my second close to my first. My daughter was twenty months old when my son came along, and she was still in the “clingy” stage of wanting to be held. In the early days, I often held two kids at the same time, even when I was nursing the baby.
A Mother’s Wisdom: Practical Tips That Helped Me Cope
When my mom came to help me after my husband deployed, she provided a listening ear with her empathetic nature. I can only imagine what it must be like to watch your baby grow into a woman and become a mother herself. She is still in every way my mom, taking care of her child as I physically recovered from childbirth, holding the baby so I could sleep, and playing with my toddler but making sure my eldest had “mommy time,” too. She set me up with strategies and systems to have a well-functioning household with two little kids, something I know she did on her own several decades ago. She told me to empty the dishwasher at night so it was free for dirty dishes in the morning, encouraged me to start one load of laundry early in the day, and prepared frozen meals. She also reminded me that our toddler was much more capable than I may have thought and could help with little tasks around the house.
The Bond Between Mothers
When a woman becomes a mother, a bond links her to all the other mothers in her life – young and old. I have watched my bond with friends grow deeper when they have children of their own. When I became a mom, I realized how vital it was to have other moms around me – those who were going through the same motherhood stage and those who were older and more experienced. I have lost count of the times I have reached out to other moms for advice or opinions about whatever I am going through.
Finding Strength in Friendship: How Other Moms Got Me Through
When my daughter suddenly stopped breastfeeding, my friend provided rich encouragement to me when I felt discouraged. Another friend whose children are long grown came over to watch my daughter when I had a doctor’s appointment I couldn’t miss. When my daughter was sick for the first time, another friend brought over the resources she always used for her daughters. My mother-in-law stayed with me for ten days while my husband was gone and held our baby almost the entire time she was there, singing to him and soothing him when he cried. She provided a lifeline to me, insisting that I rest as much as I could, and when our power went out for several hours, her calm presence kept me calm.
Empowering Each Other: A Special Connection Between Moms
Women can empower other women in all areas of life, but motherhood creates a special connection between friends. It’s an incredible blessing to tell a friend your kid is no longer taking a long nap and know she truly commiserates with you. No one understands moms like other moms, and nothing has made me appreciate other women more than becoming a mother myself.
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