For us, adoption started out as a paper chase. We had decided to adopt and were convinced that an international adoption was best for us. It was mid-1994, and China was just opening for international adoptions. Due to the government’s one-child policy, Chinese orphanages were filled with healthy infants in need of families. It was a win-win. 

In that pre-internet age, it took some scrambling to get a handle on the process, but we soon understood that we had to fulfill three sets of requirements: a U.S. home study, U.S. State Department immigration approvals, and Chinese government protocols. We got to work on what seemed like an endless loop of overlapping and exacting rules. So far, adoption hadn’t been much fun. 

It got worse when we were told that hepatitis was a huge problem in China and that we should be very cautious about adopting there. It would have been easy to stop the process right then and there, but a chance encounter at a dinner party came at just the right moment. We were introduced to another guest, a practicing physician with experience in hepatitis. Over several weeks, this new friend and his pediatrician wife set our minds at ease about the medical risks and even offered to provide us with test kits to take with us to China.  

We finally completed our approval process and mailed our “dossier” off to China on February 14, 1995. As fate would have it, a new job took us to Singapore that spring as well.  

In April, we received a single photograph of the cutest baby we had ever seen. She was our “match”!

We needed to fill out and certify yet another form to show our acceptance, which we did enthusiastically. Seeing this actual person who was waiting for us in China injected an entirely different feeling into what had been a bureaucratic drudgery. She was beautiful. We took that little photo to a studio and had enlargements made to share with family and friends and to hang on the walls in every room of our house. 

As we waited for our official date to travel to China and complete the adoption, we moved to Singapore and excitedly bought strollers, diaper bags, toys, bottles, and everything else you think you need when you’ve never been a parent. 

On June 20, we traveled to Beijing and joined a group of five other sets of parents who would be adopting with us. The schedule called for us to meet our children the next day. Months earlier, we had informed our local representative of our concerns about hepatitis and mentioned that we might bring testing kits. That evening, she came to our room and asked if we planned to have our baby tested before we went through with the adoption. Without hesitation, we answered, “Absolutely not.” If the baby was sick, we were ready to take her home and care for her. 

We realized that this arduous, painstaking process had transformed from something purely administrative into an affair of the heart. We were ready to love our new child unconditionally. We were ready to be parents. As it turned out, our health concerns were exaggerated. Our daughter was healthy, as were the vast majority of Chinese children. 

Much travail lay ahead, especially with immigration, but it no longer mattered. The deep bond that began the instant we met our daughter made it all seem irrelevant. We were blessed beyond our dreams.

Life’s About Choice