When did it became socially acceptable to pin abortions on women while men walk free? How was it your fault you got pregnant when I definitely wasn’t the epitome of self control in that moment?
I couldn’t go with you that day. I was too embarrassed.
Ten years later, it finally hit me that that moment in the abortion clinic was probably the worst of your life and I sat back and protected myself.
No one blamed me or shamed me. Besides, only girls can have abortions…right? I was the honor roll athlete who lead worship for youth group. I wasn’t reprimanded, instead, my friends just gave me high fives for “dodging a bullet” while “getting some.” No this wasn’t the perverted back-of-the-class-sitting outcasts giving me high fives—it was the guy in my Bible study, it was the valedictorian, it was the “Christian.”
Didn’t see that one coming, did you?
I wasn’t the guy society puts on the abortion posters. I simply didn’t understand the value of life as I do now.
It wasn’t until I met a family who showed me the value of children that I realized how stupid I had been. Not only did they show me how kids are the greatest purpose in the world, but they also displayed how relationships are meant to function.
I am so painfully aware of how big I messed up with you. And I am so sorry.
I used you and pressured you. I still can’t imagine what it was like for you and how alone you must have felt. I wanted the world to think I was tough, but I was so scared. I was a coward. I can’t imagine how you felt sitting at Bible study while I was talking and pretending to be some great Christian. I can’t imagine how badly you wanted to call me out.
I’m thankful God broke my heart but I still grieve for you. Abortion isn’t something that just goes away.
What continues to break my heart is to know that you’re not alone. There are so many women who are pressured into getting abortions by the same people who are supposed to protect them and care for them.
Let me make clear a message I muddied all those years ago—pushing you into an abortion wasn’t to protect you, it was to protect myself.
That’s when satan is at his best. He can hide the right thing behind our pride easier than he can fight the truth on his own. He convinced me that my reputation was more important than you, more important than the life inside you, and more important than God’s will.
It’s uncomfortable sharing this—it would be much easier to walk away. No one would have to know. But I took that road once already. I led you down that path and have regretted it since. I pray you know how wrong I was. I pray every woman knows how wrong I was. I pray that to every woman facing an unexpected pregnancy, God’s voice is louder than all of the other noise.
Don’t let someone like me—out trying to protect himself—lead you to believe lies about who you are and who’s growing inside of you. For anyone who’s been pressured into abortion, anyone who carries guilt for something they did, the cross is bigger. Jesus is bigger. Don’t waste the cross by holding onto your guilt.
I used my pride to pressure a girl into abortion, now Jesus uses that mistake I made to help others. In my weakness He shows His strength. His grace is enough.
The Guy Who’s Done Being a Coward
(written anonymously to protect the woman involved)