Fathers, remember holding your first child? Remember how you stared silently because you forgot how to form full sentences? Or the way your wife looked at you as you held her baby? Or the surge of emotion you couldn’t name at the time that you now know was love?
Well, there’s another emotion you likely felt that day—fear.
Fear of holding the baby wrong. The fear of hurting your new child. Fear of not having any clue what you were doing. Fear of messing this up. And that fear probably wasn’t new. You’d probably rehearsed every darn reason why you weren’t qualified to be a father for months and months until you knew them all by heart. And strange as it might sound, good for you. Fear is what you were supposed to feel when you became a father. It was proof that you understood the gravity of your new role. But when the rubber met the road, you didn’t run away. You didn’t shrink back. Instead, you embraced fatherhood to the best of your ability. You put on your war paint like William Wallace and faced your fear.
So here’s a question worth considering—why didn’t you opt out of fatherhood when so many young men do?
The Importance of Fatherhood
Consider what you had that many men lack today. You probably had your child with a committed partner, your wife. Friends and family probably surrounded you. Maybe you had friends who had just become fathers. Most importantly, you probably had a good father or mentor yourself. A man to show you how to be a man. Someone to show you what it looks like to be a leader in a family. Someone to share the word of God with you and instil a confident identity in you from a young age.
In other words, you were established in a family with a father eager to support you and your journey in fatherhood.
Can you imagine what raising a child would be like without that? To do it alone? No one to encourage you, swap horror stories with, or call you out when you messed up. It would feel wrong. And for a good reason—you’re SUPPOSED to raise a child in a family. That’s how God designed fatherhood to work.
Fast forward to the 21st century, and American men have a fatherhood crisis. And it could be why men are opting out of family.
The Fatherhood Crisis for Men
For many men, the fatherhood crisis starts at home. The United States has the highest rate of single-parent families globally, at 23%. That means almost a quarter of men are born into a broken community. Instead of unity and support, they witness and often internalize distrust and dysfunction. The consequences are devastating—a survey of 47 research articles revealed that children growing up in fatherless homes experience negative consequences across the board, including…
- Early smoking
- Teenage pregnancy
- Flunking out of high school
- Psychological harm lasting through adulthood
What’s more, the research shows that the impact of an absent father is more pronounced for boys than for girls.
Statistics reflect the effect of this problem..
48% of men consider themselves pro-choice
48% of women who chose abortion did so because of relationship trouble or fear of being a single mom
31% of women who chose abortion cited partner-related reasons
Suddenly, those numbers make all kinds of sense. Why would you want to have a family if all you’ve known is dysfunction and loneliness? Why would you be a father if your father did nothing but abandon, ignore, or harm you? How do you embrace fatherhood if you feel like you’re doomed to fail?
But these statistics are also a clue into how you can help men choose fatherhood.
What Resolving The Crisis Looks Like
Its simple—the only antidote to the lack of fatherhood is fathering other men. You don’t have to be a pastor to fix the problem. And you don’t have to be incredibly outgoing or talkative. You just have to show up. That might look like mentoring young men at your church. It might look like running a discipleship program or a men’s bible study. If you’re bold, you might start your ministry or volunteer with a non-profit to equip men in vulnerable communities to choose life.
If you’re looking for resources to share with men facing an unplanned pregnancy, check out the Dare To Be A Dad ebook by Matt Hammitt. It’s the crash course on fatherhood that they might need. But truthfully, most of your impact will come from exemplifying true fatherhood.
Laughing with your wife. Celebrating your kid’s little league championship. Staying up with them when they fail a test. Grabbing coffee with a friend. Asking a question that goes beneath the surface. Asking for help when you need it. Being there in love.
Those are the things that set an example for how men are meant to be powerful leaders in family and society. That example will empower the young men in your life to take responsibility and know that they are brave enough step up and choose fatherhood.
Men Have the Power to Choose Fatherhood
The strong men we look up to in movies like Braveheart or Gladiator did not earn their respect by letting others choose for them. Their power came from the responsibility they took when they stepped up to lead armies. Men give up this role when they decide to be passive in families. Men are strong and fearless leaders created to empower everyone around them, especially women.
The feminist movement that tells men they have no say in unplanned pregnancies strips them of their power to make a difference. When men have no opinion, they can avoid the responsibility of fatherhood. This is like sending them to the back of the army, with the women at the front. Women might feel empowered to make the decisions in battle but they also face warfare alone. On the contrary, when men and women have equal parts in parenthood, they face the action on the frontlines, hand in hand, shouting “FREEDOM.” This was God’s original plan for fatherhood and motherhood, a partnership with equally capable decision-makers.
You can’t make anybody choose life. But you can pledge that you’ll be there to support, advise, pray for, and encourage men to step into their role as fathers. You can begin your pledge to help more men bravely choose fatherhood RIGHT NOW by donating here.
Save the Storks Partner Program supports women’s clinics all over the U.S. that, as awareness of the importance of fatherhood increases, have increased programs to support fathers in their journey of facing unplanned pregnancies. Women’s clinics provide growing services for men, including; parenting classes, fatherhood classes, and men’s coaching to equip them better to lead their growing families.
Who knows how God will use your family and friendships? But He might surprise you with how you help men choose fatherhood.
