I was 17 when I discovered I was pregnant. I’d been dating a boy for several months and I can look back now and know that I was truly in love with him. My sense of time is off and I cannot remember how much time elapsed from the time that I found out that I was pregnant until the actual trip to Planned Parenthood.
It’s a still fuzzy after 33 years. I remember it was in the spring and almost time for me to graduate high school. I was happy about the pregnancy. My boyfriend had given me a promise ring for Christmas and I just knew that we would marry and live happily ever after and become a family.
That all changed once we told his parents about the pregnancy.
They hadn’t liked me from the beginning. I wasn’t from the “right side of the tracks” so to speak. Upon hearing I was pregnant, his mother became enraged and began to speak threats of withholding support. She said that she would never acknowledge the baby as her grandchild and that she’d never allow her son to marry me because “I was not what she wanted for her son.”
Then she began to speak of abortion.
She assured me that “It was really no big deal” and that she had had one in the past. I stood my ground at first, but after awhile I became so weary and beaten down. I just wanted it all to stop.
I didn’t have a relationship with the Lord, but I knew enough to know that abortion was wrong and that it took the life of the child. She called my parents to come to their home and “discuss” the pregnancy.
I’d called my mom earlier in the day to tell her I was pregnant. She cried but seemed ok. My parents came to the house but there was no discussion. It was completely one-sided on her part, with so much yelling and screaming. I don’t even remember my parents saying anything, but I do remember them walking out the door and leaving me with her.
My boyfriend, who initially seemed happy about the pregnancy, did not take a stand against his mother. In fact, he began to agree with her. I was outnumbered and the appointment was made.
My boyfriend and I, as well as both of our fathers, took that seemingly endless trip to Dallas. I remember walking through those clinic doors with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is not what I wanted. This is not what I expected to happen when we discovered I was pregnant.
I sat in the chairs and waited for my name to be called. The door opened. It was my turn. I went into an office where I gave them some information. Then they led me into a room where they performed a sonogram, with the screen turned so that I could not see it. From there, I went in to yet another room to watch a video that was supposed to tell me about the procedure.
I say “supposed to” because I couldn’t concentrate and could not tell you one thing that was said. I was taken to a curtained off area and was told to remove all of my clothes and put on a gown.
Everyone was so cold and unfriendly.
I opened the curtain once I was dressed and then was led to a room with a table and equipment. I laid down and began to cry. They asked me what was wrong and I told them that I did not want to do this. I had changed my mind. I wanted up.
The doctor began to tell me that I didn’t need a baby and that I had my whole life ahead of me.
I began to cry harder and they strapped me down. I asked them to please unstrap me and let me leave. The anesthesia was administered and I fell asleep to the sound of their laughter. When I woke up, I was hurting physically as well as emotionally.
All around me were the sounds of other women sobbing.
I was finally allowed to get dressed and we left. Once I recovered physically and returned to school, my relationship with my boyfriend fell apart. I just could not look at him. I felt betrayed.
I went on to get married a couple of years later to a wonderful man. I shared my story with him, but it did not change the way he felt about me. He showed me grace. We married and had three children, of which I am so grateful to the Lord.
Many times, women who have abortions cannot have children in the future. I was not aware that all of those years leading up to my healing (30 to be exact) were profoundly affected by my abortion.
I had anger, bitterness, and resentment living inside of me. It touched every part of my life from my marriage to how I parented my children. I yelled a lot and cried a great deal. I would often cry myself to sleep and not even realize why I was crying.
Now comes two words that I love.
“BUT GOD!”
But God uses all things for good and to bring Him honor and glory.
But God is faithful to forgive and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.
But God led me to a church with a pastor who loves hurting people and who spoke of forgiveness from abortion from the pulpit, something that I had not heard in all of the churches that I had been in throughout my adult life.
The Lord put people in my path to lead me through the healing process, including two amazing women who loved me through Surrendering the Secret, a post-abortive healing Bible study.
Today, I am so thankful for the work and the healing that the Lord has done in my life. I am currently the Executive Director of Living Alternatives Pregnancy Center in Palestine, TX and have had the opportunity to be used by God to tell my story to women who were considering abortion and chose life for their babies.
I am also starting a post-abortive counseling program to help women and men who’ve been hurt by abortion find healing at the foot of the cross. I never imagined that I would be telling others about my abortion experience, much less be blessed by it.
I know that sounds strange and I would definitely do things different if I could go back 33 years, but I can’t. What satan meant for evil, God is using for good. That is the God that I love and serve.
Do you have a story about your experience with abortion or pregnancy? There is power in sharing.
This true story was submitted to us via social media by Cheryle.
